Life was pretty good for me in 2004. I had a full-time job that paid well and provided health benefits, life insurance, and vacation every year. My husband and I had just moved to Sutter Creek where I had always wanted to live, often telling him as we commuted to Sacramento daily from West Point, “Some day, we will live here in Sutter Creek!” Of course, he was aghast, thinking of the street-choking traffic we encountered each Saturday if we had to drive in to Sacramento. Yet, he just nodded and smiled at me, like most nice husbands do who think their wife has gone daft. We would swoop through in our powerful Subaru Legacy Outback, picking up a Starbucks's designer coffee on the way home some evenings. Yes, life was good, and I was comfortable, living in a very nice mobile home in a Senior community that was quiet and peaceful. That was a huge blessing as there was a waiting list, and few openings, but we got in to everyone's surprise. We had moved from a rental in Drytown, just a few miles away. That was also a huge blessing also, and one of the nicest places we had ever rented; it sat high on a hill with a wrap around deck, and a pool, large rooms and a beautiful kitchen. I tell you, God has always gone ahead of us, watching out for us and blessing us in so many ways. So at this place in time, I had successfully learned to manage my diabetes, and had just started a walking program.
Isn’t that when life usually throws you as curve? Is that when our very nature is tested? Is this not the perfect time to see what you are made of? Ah, yes! While moving into that retirement community home in March 2003, I tripped and fell quite hard onto both knees while coming into the house carrying a large, heavy potted plant. I should have waited for help, but didn't. I heard a loud crunch, and a popping sound as I slammed onto the floor, face first, then onto both knees, and I felt searing hot pain. I did not know the full extent of the damage until almost three months later. By then I could hardly walk. I had x-rays and an MRI done at Kaiser; I had a torn meniscus and, surprisingly, the x-rays showed I had hardly any cartilage left in my right knee. What remained was shredded and hanging. That was the pain! The doctor also kindly informed me that I had severe osteoarthritis in the right knee.
Well, here I was, out of work again due to another injury, unable to walk without pain. Over the next two months, I endured a series of weekly injections to both knees to instigate them to produce new cartilage. Synvisc and Corticosteroid injections both had zero effect. After five months, when I still could not walk without pain, the doctor gave me a cortisone shot to minimize the pain, and put me on anti-inflammatory and pain medications, both of which left me in a daily stupor where time just passed, as in a fog, days melting into each other. I was still in pain.
I was depressed; I hurt from the moment I awoke to the moment I fell asleep, and usually in between as the pain would wake me several times each night. I was tired of hearing myself say, “I hurt”, tired of barely being able to make it to the sofa from the bedroom. My income was greatly reduced due to living on unemployment checks, causing us financial stress and I became even more depressed. I had few visitors as they believed I needed rest and solitude. My husband would find me in the same place he left me when he returned from work. The doctor prescribed anti-depressants, which I refused to take after a 3-day trial left me feeling even sicker.
One day I was wailing, I couldn't stop crying. I suddenly realized I was in this huge pity party, all alone in the house. I felt so silly that I started laughing and laughing. It felt so good to laugh and not cry! Then I couldn't stop laughing! You know, people get tired of hearing that you hurt, that you can’t do this or that, even if it is true. Something inside people just turns off, as much as they love you, it is such a burden for others to swim in the same stream of negativity. Sure I was hurt, but I wanted back in the game of life!
I wanted to be productive even if I was disabled for life; my mind was not disabled! I could still be productive and useful, and feel good about myself.
I chose not to wallow in self-pity; I chose to stop taking the stupor-inducing medication Celebrix (I did let my doctor know). Moreover, I looked for something to do, to occupy my mind, and my heart. As I was already writing for the West Point News submitting a monthly Garden article, and for the Calaveras Times, submitting a Church News column, and a monthly column on ‘Managing Diabetes’, I asked the editor, Justine, if I could do more writing for the paper and she was happy to oblige. Of course, I was so excited to be doing something I loved, that I started creating new columns for her newspaper, and even started designing display Ads for the newspaper. I re-invented myself!
I was just popping with ideas! My brain was working again, I was productive, I was meeting new people, and I was regaining my Joy. Sure, bad things happen; life takes twists and turns, but hey, I chose to go with the flow, to adapt, to reinvent myself to fit the situation. The world does not revolve around me--I am not the only one in pain, or in financial straits. My family (husband, sister, pastors) had their own lives, and I needed to get on with mine and set them free from taking care of me or worrying about me. I think many people on disability do not have productive outlets, nor enough money to do anything but barely pay the bills. But don’t let that steal your joy, your happiness, your purpose! There Is a Way! Find it!
I had a wonderful time writing reviews and laying out the paper each month for the newspaper—designing display Ads, learning new programs, and thinking of new columns that readers might enjoy. I regained my independence, and my mobility as my body was healing--finally reacting favorably to the injections and cortisone shots. So well that I returned to full-time duties three months later. I continued working on my health, and my ever-increasing weight.
During this time, Tim went to a yard sale just up the road from where we lived. He found out that the residents, Jenny and Scott Fritz and their boys, were moving out of state and that the home was for rent... a home on almost an acre! The rent was less than we were currently paying for our modular home with a small backyard. It was such a blessing, and we applied right away, even though we were told there were like 30 applicants ahead of us. Tim met with the owner one day as I couldn't walk around that well yet. He really liked the home, so he arranged for me to see it the following week. He told me I would love it; it had gardens and trees!
It was like a mini Dunn farm which we missed so much! Trees, gardens, a large yard, a 'back 40' fenced area where we could raise chickens, also. The home was an older stucco home with a 1900 cute interior--curved niches and arched doorways. We had a good time chatting with the owner Ambrose as he showed us around. We laughed and talked and had a really good feeling about the place. Yet our hopes weren't too high as he said he had many others to show the house to in the coming weeks. So we just prayed, and waited. The owner's son, Ray, called in 2 days, sounding very gruff, to tell us that his dad would not even interview any more applicants; he wanted us to rent the home! Amazing! We were thrilled. What a Blessing!
We are living in Sutter Creek now , best known as the “Jewel of the Motherlode", a place of my dreams, in a home with land all around us, full of trees and flowers once again; we can raise chickens, too. One day, I hope to be walking downtown, a healthier, young-minded 70 something, going on 60! I will be able to step over the time-worn and aged thresholds of some stores where I currently cannot enter with my electric scooter because of the height of the steps to get in. I can see my foot in my mind's eye as I raise it to cross over the threshold of that store! It will happen; I believe it. We love living in gold country... no place we would rather be! Our adventure continues!
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